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yo_ash_yo
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Name: yo_ash_yo
Gender: Female
Interests: Traveling, sleeping in, movies...lots of movies especially zombie ones.
Expertise: Marketing/Real Estate/Foreclosure Prevention
Occupation: Entrepreneur
Industry: Business
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/11/2004
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| Its been over a year since my last blog. Too much has happened...
Moved in with KC in December and then he moved out in May and moved back to Green Bay. We got a dog, Yoshi, a shiba inu for my birthday and only kept him for 4 months. Only one semester of college left and I decided to move to Jacksonville with my new boyfriend Tim, whom I was cheating on KC with. I broke my lease at Hidden Palms Apartments, sold KC's and my couch, and moved everything else into a tiny one bedroom apartment in Jacksonville.
Too much has happened. I have been with Tim for most of 2006. I met him in March of '06. He has been very instrumental in my evolution out of my old, bad habits. I am proud to say that I no longer cheat and lie to my loved ones. I dont involve myself in scandalous behavior and I am moving on to better things. I have already met his family in Erie, PA!
Of course, I still find it hard to adapt and I miss certain people and things about my life in Tampa. But I am dealing with it. Jacksonville is a good city - more importantly I have my family and Tim. Tim has been opening my eyes to things that I seldomly think about or when I am by myself - I stop to ponder and contemplate the world around me. The notion of "scarcity" and "abundance", "manifestation", "power of our words", and the energy we project around us and how it influences the people and things in our life. It is comforting to find a like mind. He has been very generous and giving to me in many regards - financially supporting us so that we can live together, spiritually supporting me so that I can heal my self-inflicted wounds and the wounds I allowed others to give me, emotionally supporting me as a wonderful boyfriend - affectionate, caring, compassionate, and very giving, well not forget physically - great sex is a must.
I'm still trying to find the feelings of doubt and fear. The notion of "too good to be true." I will be honest I miss KC. I think about him often then I try to push it out of my mind. When I was with KC, I felt from time to time that I should be with someone else or move on to do something else in my life without him? I could never explain it. I felt like we weren't right for each other or that something was off. Well, it was me. After much self-reflection, it was me. I will be honest and admit that I was the one that was off. My head was out of it and therefore, my actions showed it. At times I wish I could take it back or take what I know now and apply it to those times in the past when I wronged him.... but everything does happen for a reason I suppose. Its hard for me to move on - but only if I hold myself back. I know that this all happened for a reason and even if it is hard for me to grasp that idea - I know its right.
The next chapter of my life is beginning. Fasten your seat belts - it might be a bumpy ride!
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| Sooooo much has happened... then again it is a couple of months since I wrote a blog. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions like usual. Great heights and ultimate lows. Life is so crazy and wonderful at times.
This is the last week of my summer classes and I'm very excited. I will be going home for a little while and seeing my family. I miss my nephews!
I have been single for a little while now...and having the time of my life. Friends are so great. I just came from a really long, fun trip. My 4th of July was drunken fun but safe and wonderful. Good times and great oldies. Wow I had a great time this past two weeks. I am very fortunate. Hopefully it will last, if not... damn it was fun while it lasted.
Oh! Did I mention I want a puppy?
Quote of the Day: "Too much virtue is a Vice" | | |
| Another day, another entry. I feel better today. I ate a one whole meal today. Hell yah. My attitude and outlook on life is a little more brighter. Plus I think the sunny weather helps. Things seem to be looking up. I just need to work hard to keep them on the positive path. This is the last week of classes. I am relieved but yet summer school is again around the corner.. so no break for me. I am hopeful of the future. I just need to stay focused.
Balance is the name of the game. Let go of the excess and hold on to the significance. I realize that I have been struggling with trying to find a balance between being crazy fun and serious and calm. I know that I can be both and in moderation. I can have fun and be spontaneous within personal limits I set for myself. I know I can be relaxed and serious about things in my life as well without compromising my happiness and zeal for life. The missing factor in my life was balance. The balance within myself. It starts to make sense now.
I do have to admit. I am homesick. I have been thinking about my decision to move to Tampa by myself. I realize that it wasn't entirely the right decision. But I feel happier... the space between my family and I makes us stronger. Especially the relationship between my mom and I. It is much better when we don't live close to each other. She is so demanding and controlling. I can breathe down here and still talk to her often. But home is truly where the heart is. I miss KC so much. I would move back just so I can be with him. But I know that is far from where we are right now. Time.. time will tell.
Quote of the Day: "Sometimes all it takes is for someone to believe in you." | | |
| Well well. Where do I start? Let's see I haven't eaten anything real in about a week now. I don't think a couple of bites of biscuits and quesadillas count.. especially if all I do is throw it up. Something is up with my stomach. It hates me again. I have two theories on the causes and I know the first logical one is Stress. The second was ruled out due to the first response kit. Thank God. I don't need anymore drama than I already have. I will be honest and say that I have been really depressed for almost three weeks now. I hope its getting better. The source of my anguish feels a little better since I went to Jacksonville. I just wanted to see him. I missed him so much. I knew if I went there... it would force him to talk to me. Face to face... It was a bittersweet reunion like I thought it was... but it definitely was a night that was crazy fun and still filled with soo much sorrow and anger. Its hard to explain. Thursdays at Christopher's is always crazy fun. Keyword: Drunk. I will let your imagination run with that one. The reason... it will probably get a pretty good description of what happened that night.
I'm tired of hurting and crying. I am tired of the pain. I just want to be happy. I am so determined to be happy. I know exactly what I need to do. Its not to give up and not to forget what I have learned in just these few months. Living on your own... does something to you. It changes you. It has let me experience things and now I have seen a different side of things. I know I am a different person. I can feel it inside. Its true... you can't love someone else until you have learned to love yourself. I believe that I have finally found the beginning of the love for myself. And it feels good. I am slowly starting to forgive myself for all my faults and bad decisions. I have things I need to put into action... and I won't give up. I won't give up on love. I just need to wait until he is ready... when he is ready to forgive me. I will be there.
Life is life. Breathe. Hold. Exhale.
Quote of the Day: "Perception is a reality." | | |
| ~Clocks Turn~
Close the door
Look back no more
Over and over it will be
Closer to freedom but you still hestitate
Kick down the past, I want you to
Stay in my arms, but no
Take back your heart
Use me for security no more
Reach out and walk, look back
No more | | |
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